Self-Care Isn’t Selfish. It’s Crucial. Now I Understand Why.

Have you ever felt a pang of guilt for wanting just five minutes to yourself?

Like somehow taking a breather makes you a “bad mom” or less dedicated to your family? I get it—because I’ve been there too. During my first few years as a mom, I put everyone else first, thinking it was what a good mom should do. But that constant self-sacrifice? It left me drained, overwhelmed, and wondering how I’d make it through another day. Then one day, it hit me: self-care isn’t selfish—it was the one thing keeping me from burning out completely.

In this post, I’m going to share what shifted my mindset and why prioritizing self-care isn’t just okay—it’s absolutely necessary. Because let’s face it: a burned-out mom can’t pour from an empty cup. You deserve to feel like you again. Let’s explore how to make that happen.

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It’s hard for moms to believe that self-care isn’t selfish.

As a new mom there’s so much to do and keep track of. Feeding and sleep schedules, laundry, playing with the children, the mental load of motherhood, the list goes on… It’s so easy to make everything else a higher priority over your own needs. I know I did. I felt guilty taking any kind of alone time, so I didn’t. It wasn’t that anyone was telling me I couldn’t have any time for myself. In fact, my husband encouraged me to read a book or get out of the house for a bit but I just couldn’t.

The first year with each of my girls is almost a blur to me now because of how difficult I found that time. I was drained, exhausted, stressed, and not able to be truly present. Have you ever felt like you were “there”, but not really “there”? That’s what it was like for me. I would play with my kids but my mind was ten steps ahead and I just felt burnt out.

I would get bits and pieces of alone time, like if my husband took my daughter on an errand with him, and I started to see that self-care isn’t selfish. Did I feel guilty having time to myself? Of course! But I also saw how beneficial taking care of myself was. If I had a break – even if it was short, like a 10-minute meditation – I felt so refreshed and ready to tackle whatever I had to take on next.

Recognize the need for self-care.

There is definitely a prevalence of neglecting self-care among moms. There were some statistics that stood out to me in Motherly’s 2024 State of Motherhood Report. 61% of moms get less than 1 hour to themselves each day while 32% of moms get 1-2 hours and 7% get 3 or more hours. Time to themselves means time without work or family obligations which is obviously hard to come across!

Also in Motherly’s 2024 State of Motherhood Report, 41% of moms don’t have monthly date nights with their partner and 43% of moms don’t have monthly outings with friends without children. I can understand why that’s the case such as not having family nearby to watch the kids or not wanting to spend the money on a babysitter.

There were similar statistics in Motherly’s 2023 State of Motherhood Report. In that report, 51% of moms had not gone out with their partner or friends without children in the last month. Also in the 2023 report, 49% of moms felt burned out by motherhood and 46% of mothers were currently seeking therapy.

Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s essential.

It seems clear that there’s a connection between not having much time to ourselves and struggling with our mental health. If moms are burnt out, there’s nothing left for themselves or anyone else. We can’t be good partners, moms, or employees if our cups are empty.

Nurturing ourselves can give us more patience. These days when I’m more proactive about having time for myself I can be a better mom. I’m more present with my kids and better able to focus on them. I’m also happier with my husband and a better partner to him.

Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s essential that we prioritize ourselves since that benefits our overall well-being as well as our families.

Overcome the guilt about self-care.

It’s common to feel guilty about prioritizing self-care. I know I did, and still sometimes do. Acknowledge the guilt and sit with it for a bit. Reframe the guilt into something more positive, such as that self-care isn’t neglecting your family. It’s actually investing in your own well-being so you can be a better mother and partner.

Some other steps that can help you overcome the guilt about self-care are:

1. Start by setting small goals for yourself, such as a 5-minute meditation. Once you see how your mental health improves you’ll feel less guilty and more comfortable taking time for yourself.
2. Communicate with your family. If they don’t realize it already, let your family know how important self-care is to you and how it helps you be better for them. You’ll likely feel less guilty with open communication.
3. Schedule it. Add it to your phone’s calendar so you are reminded. You’ll be holding yourself accountable.
4. Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge that taking time for yourself doesn’t make you a bad mom, it makes you a human! Reframe any negative or guilty thoughts in your mind to be more positive.

Tips for making self-care a priority when you’re tired and overwhelmed

Self-care doesn’t have to be time-consuming or expensive. Start with small, manageable practices. Here are some of my favorite quick and easy self-care tips, geared towards tired moms with little energy:

• Journal for self-care. One of my favorite journals, The 5-Minute Gratitude Journal, has prompts that can be filled out in just a few minutes each day.
• Do a 5 or 10-minute meditation. Meditating can really help free the mind.
• Read. Reading is one of my favorite self-care activities. Set the goal of reading a chapter or even just a certain number of pages.
• Try 4-7-8 breathing. Inhale through your nose for four counts, hold for seven counts, and then exhale for eight counts. This technique can really help calm you when you are feeling tense.
• Hydrate. Chances are, if you have little energy you probably haven’t drank in a while. Have a glass of water or a cup of herbal tea.
• Light a scented candle. Lavender can be a calming scent.
• Curl up under a blanket. Get comfortable and put your feet up. Let your body relax.
• Do the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique. Make note of 5 things you see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and one thing you can taste.
• Curl up with your child. You may not have energy for playing, but cuddling can give you a mental boost and make you feel loved.
• Do nothing. Just sit in peace and quiet.

If there’s one thing you take away make it be this: self-care isn’t selfish.

It’s the foundation for being the best mom, partner, and person you can be. By making yourself a priority, you’re not just caring for yourself; you’re showing your family the importance of valuing their own well-being too.

It’s okay to start small. Take five minutes to breathe, journal, or sip your coffee while it’s still warm. Over time, those moments will add up, and so will the benefits.

If you’d like some more help getting started, try my free 5-day self-care challenge!

Remember, you deserve this—no guilt, no excuses. Because a mom who cares for herself is unstoppable.

You’ve got this!