Completely Change Your Life With the Fair Play Method
In the daily chaos of modern motherhood, finding a balance between household responsibilities, work, and personal time can feel impossible.
The constant balancing act due to the mental load of motherhood can leave us feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and with little time for ourselves. Can you relate? What if there was a way to distribute household tasks more equitably, improve your relationships, and reclaim precious time for yourself? Enter the Fair Play Method—a revolutionary approach designed to bring more balance to your home. By redefining how tasks are divided and accomplished, you’ll reclaim your time, nurture your well-being, and create a more fulfilling family life. In this post, we’ll explore how implementing the Fair Play Method can completely change your life, providing practical strategies to help you achieve a more balanced home.
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What is the Fair Play Method?
I had reached a point where I felt like I was drowning and couldn’t keep up. My head felt like it was going to burst. I was on top of so much, but I wasn’t doing a good job at anything. I’m always looking for good resources for moms and Fair Play by Eve Rodsky was recommended by many people I follow on Instagram so I wanted to give it a read.
In Fair Play, Eve Rodsky teaches the system she developed when she was struggling with her own mental load. The Fair Play Method helps us prioritize the tasks that are important to our families, and delegate who fully owns each task. The issue that many of us moms have today is that even if we have a partner who is executing a lot of the household tasks, we are doing the reminding and remembering. With the Fair Play Method, the owner of the task is responsible for the conception, planning, and execution.
Implementing the Fair Play Method
I related to Eve Rodsky so much and find Fair Play to be one of the best self-care books for moms. I figured that implementing the Fair Play Method would be easier if my husband read the book too. After he read it, we sat down together to review the Fair Play cards and follow the steps for the method.
The Fair Play Method Cards
With Fair Play, there are 100 total cards that are split up into five categories – home, out, caregiving, magic, wild, and the unicorn space. Home covers tasks such as childcare, cleaning, garbage, groceries, hosting, and laundry. Out covers tasks such as extracurricular, family calendar, packing, school breaks, school forms, and transportation. Caregiving covers tasks such as bathing, bedtime routine, clothes, homework, and morning routine. Magic covers tasks such as adult friendships, birthday celebrations, discipline, gifts, and holidays. Wild covers unexpected tasks such as death, moving, home renovation, and a new job. The unicorn space represents something that gives you (and your partner) passion and purpose. It’s something that you do just for you. Eve lists out all of the cards in her book so you can either make them yourself or buy the Fair Play Deck like we did!
The Fair Play Method Steps
The Fair Play Method consists of seven steps:
- Agree to the ground rules. Eve lists the rules in Fair Play.
- Customize the deck. Review all of the cards and determine together which are important and which (if any) can be eliminated.
- Plan out how you will stay organized with the tasks, such as with a spreadsheet, whiteboard, piece of paper, etc. We created a spreadsheet.
- Deal out the cards and agree to what it means to conceive, plan, and execute each task.
- Establish the minimum standard for each task, such as how many days the garbage should be taken out.
- Claim your unicorn space.
- Take a new vow to each other. Eve lists the vows to make in Fair Play.
What I Learned From the Fair Play Method
The mental load of motherhood is always there, but the Fair Play method has made it more manageable for me. My husband and I have both learned a lot from implementing the system.
#1 – Communication is critical.
It’s impossible to relieve any of the mental load without communication. If you don’t communicate and just keep on going while you are drowning, mom burnout and resentment will grow. Communication is part of the Fair Play system in so many different ways. First, you have to share with your partner that you’re suffering from the mental load. You and your partner also have to be on the same page on what tasks are important to your family, and what it means to get them done. Even after the tasks are divided, stay on track with periodic check-ins so the mental load doesn’t become a burden again.
#2 – It’s hard to give up the conception and planning at first.
I wanted to relieve my mental load but I didn’t realize how hard it would be! One of the cards my husband chose was doing the dishes, and it was hard for me not to do the dishes when I saw them in the sink. At first, I did them since they were there, but then I’d resent my husband since it was a task that he owned. I eventually got more comfortable not stepping in, knowing that they would get done. There were other tasks I would remind him about too. Eventually I got more comfortable with our new system and was able to give up control of the tasks I did not own.
#3 – The ‘Unicorn Space’ card is so important.
I’ve always been passionate about reading and writing but didn’t choose it for my career. This blog has become my ‘Unicorn Space’. It’s a passion that is just for me. I’m blogging because I enjoy it and not because I have to do it, or because it gives me an income. Having a creative outlet has given me such a mental boost. I love having something that gets my creative juices flowing. Spend time thinking about your ‘Unicorn Space’. I really believe that finding your ‘Unicorn Space’ is the most important card of all.
#4 – You can’t do it once and forget about it.
The Fair Play Method is not a one-and-done game. In fact, my husband and I are due for a reshuffling of our cards. The arrangement may work well today, but that doesn’t mean it will still work well in a year. Review it periodically, especially when your family goes through major changes.
Benefits of the Fair Play Method
The Fair Play Method can help you and your partner in many ways:
- Enhances communication: The Fair Play system has helped my husband and I communicate better. It has helped us be more open about our feelings and needs.
- Encourages self-care: Each partner gets a self-care card so prioritizing self-care is an important part of the system.
- Both partners feel valued: Usually one partner does more of the conception and planning of tasks, but that’s invisible work that doesn’t always get recognized. The conception and planning of tasks is just as important as the execution in the Fair Play system.
- Reduces the mental load: Mental load can be significantly reduced since you’re offloading the conception and planning of tasks that you aren’t executing, helping you feel like a more organized mom.
Adopting the Fair Play Method can transform your life.
It can bring a sense of balance, fairness, and cooperation to your home. By clearly defining and distributing tasks, you’ll not only alleviate the overwhelming burden felt by the partner who does the majority of the conception and planning, but also create a more supportive family dynamic.
As you begin to implement the Fair Play Method, you’ll find yourself with more time for self-care, personal growth, and the capacity to be a better mom. Remember, it’s a journey and a process – one that requires flexibility, communication, and collaboration.
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