Mental Load of Motherhood: Coping When You’re Overwhelmed
Motherhood is a journey filled with joy, love, and countless beautiful moments.
But let’s be real—there’s also an overwhelming mental load of motherhood. From managing household chores to juggling kids’ schedules to getting through your morning routine checklist and evening routine checklist, it often feels like there’s no end to the responsibilities. If you’re like me, you’ve probably found yourself wondering how to cope when it all becomes too much. In this post, I’ll share some strategies that have helped me lighten the mental load and regain a sense of balance. Whether you’re a new mom or a seasoned pro, I hope these tips will bring you some much-needed relief.
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The Mental Load of Motherhood
The mental load of motherhood involves managing all the tasks, responsibilities, and logistics for your family. There’s the constant mental planning, organizing, and anticipating in order to keep life running, such as remembering appointments, planning meals, coordinating schedules, and much more. It’s not the actual execution of tasks, but is the conception and planning for them.
This mental load tends to fall on mothers. Perhaps it’s our nurturing nature or a continuation of traditional gender roles where women tended to stay at home and take care of the kids and household chores. The mental load of motherhood is a full-time job and when mothers are also working other full-time or part-time jobs, life can feel unsustainable.
Coping with the Mental Load of Motherhood
So what can we do about it? Coping with the mental load of motherhood requires awareness, communication, and practical strategies.
1. Communicate with your partner.
The first step is to tell your partner how you are feeling. Communication can be difficult at first, since chances are, your partner is helping with the execution of daily tasks and won’t fully grasp what you mean about the mental load of motherhood. It can be helpful to share this blog post.
2. Read Fair Play by Eve Rodsky.
Fair Play by Eve Rodsky is one of the most helpful resources for moms about sharing the mental load. Eve shares that when we delegate tasks we need to delegate all aspects of the task – the conception, planning, and execution. We tend to delegate execution but still hold onto the conception and planning which adds to our mental load. My husband and I both read the book. Encourage your partner to read about the fair play method too.
3. Get organized.
A strategy that helped me was writing out a to-do list instead of carrying it all in my head. It sounds silly but I really felt such a release from writing down everything that I was trying to remember. When you’re making your to-do list write down EVERYTHING that you need to do and remember. Break large tasks into smaller tasks. For example, if your child has a birthday party coming up, tasks would likely be buying the birthday gift, wrapping the birthday gift, taking child to the birthday party, etc.
4. Make a schedule.
You’ve listed out all of your tasks, but now you’re probably wondering how you’re going to get everything done. I hear you! I find it helpful to schedule out my tasks. Then each day I just have to focus on what I want to get done that day. I use the Clever Fox Planner Pro to keep myself on track with all of the tasks that I own. I also use a Monthly Whiteboard Calendar to keep track of what everyone in the family has going on. Planning out when you will do things will help you feel less overwhelmed. Also make note of any tasks that need to come off your plate.
5. Delegate tasks.
Delegate out those tasks that need to come off your plate. When delegating those tasks, fully take them off your plate. That means give up the conception and planning too! My husband has always been great about the execution part, but when we decided which tasks would fully move off my plate it was hard for me to give up the conception and planning too. I found myself reminding him to do those tasks, but eventually I learned that I could stop reminding him; that he’d take care of it.
6. Regroup with partner.
After a while regroup with your partner. See how you are feeling. Do you feel like at least some of the mental load has been lifted? Hopefully you do! If not, redo the steps and adjust as needed. I do think it’s impossible to fully give up the mental load of motherhood. It will always be there, but hopefully implementing these strategies will make it more manageable.
Effects of the Mental Load of Motherhood
The mental load impacts parents’ health. There’s the stress and anxiety of trying to remember everything. There’s the guilt you feel when things fall through the cracks (and they will!). If the stress and anxiety keeps building without any relief you may get to mom burnout.
The mental load may create feelings of resentment and being unappreciated since the mental load is a lot of invisible labor. You’re the one that’s doing all the planning and remembering and that’s a lot of work! It’s easy to feel taken for granted when you have to be on top of everything.
Finally, the mental load of motherhood can lead to mom rage and outbursts. Everything will keep building until it gets to be too much and you end up taking it all out on your partner or kids. Then the cycle starts all over again with the anxiety, stress, and guilt.
My Experience with the Mental Load of Motherhood
I’m now in a much better spot with the mental load, but it’s taken me a long time to get here. At my worst, I dreamed of a hospital stay for a non-life threatening issue because that seemed like a vacation. The pressure of a full-time job and feeling like I had to be on top of everything was just too much. I would wake up in the middle of the night wide-awake and not be able to fall back asleep.
The mental load impacted my parenting. I just wanted to be a fun mom, and get down and be silly with my kids, but the mental load kept me from doing that. My mind was always going. I’d be thinking about the ten other things I had to do and felt like I couldn’t just be present with my girls and enjoy them.
I felt resentment towards my husband because I was doing the majority of the remembering and planning. I just wanted a day where I didn’t have to plan anything and could just go along for the ride. Fair Play was a huge asset for us. I gave up the conception and planning of the tasks that my husband was executing. That was a huge relief.
The mental load of motherhood is always there. There are good days and bad days, but communicating with my husband and implementing the strategies I mentioned earlier has made the mental load feel more manageable to me.
Navigating the mental load of motherhood is challenging.
However, it’s important to remember that it’s okay to ask for help, take breaks, and prioritize your well-being. By acknowledging the challenges and implementing strategies to manage the mental load, you can find more balance and joy in your daily life. When you’re looking for some mom encouragement, remind yourself that you’re doing an amazing job, and it’s important to be kind to yourself.
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